Appropriate Fear & Anxiety: Feelings about the election and how to work them

The first time I took note of the phrase “appropriate fear” was when Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr started using the term, a term he picked up from playing basketball under San Antonio Spurs coach Greg Popovich. What is appropriate fear? Moneyman Lawrence Hamtil writes:

Gregg Popovich, the coach of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs, is famous for reminding his players to approach each playoff opportunity with what he calls “appropriate fear.”  This fear that Popovich describes is not the kind of panic-inducing fear that can lead to unforced errors, nor is it the kind of obsessive fear that can lead to “paralysis by analysis.”  Rather, what is meant by the term “appropriate fear” is a kind of healthy skepticism of one’s own preparedness and focus, as well as fear of your opponent’s capabilities, so as not to underestimate him and be rudely surprised during the competition.  In other words, playing with appropriate fear means to play with humility and to have an appreciation of the potential pitfalls you will face as you try to reach your goal.

Granted we are talking sports here, trivial compared to politics and governing; however, Popovich is right when he states that fear – if harnessed and put into perspective – is a healthy motivator and often the edge one needs to win out, or at least get through frightening times. To put fear into perspective it is important to differentiate fear from anxiety.

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) says of fear and anxiety:

Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure. Anxiety is not the same as fear, but they are often used interchangeably. Anxiety is considered a future-oriented, long-acting response broadly focused on a diffuse threat, whereas fear is an appropriate, present-oriented, and short-lived response to a clearly identifiable and specific threat.

So, in fear we have a reaction to a concrete threat, a threat that is happening right now. It is a threat that can be defined, analyzed, and gamed-out. Sometimes this threat is “existential,” a threat to our existence (nuclear war, total climate disruption, famine, plague, etc.). More often, the threat is to our personal well being and way of life, which includes our rights, our freedom, and our stuff. On a personal level, it is difficult to separate the former from the later, though failure to do so invites despair, resignation, and retreat, none of which are healthy responses to reversable setbacks.

With anxiety, we get nothing positive, that I know from dealing with high anxiety since I was a kid. Anxiety, especially once it turns on you, is punishing. It diminishes and destroys possibilities and greatly diminishes personal freedom. It is exhausting and leads to cynicism. It is a trap. But it is also something that we feel and comes on us without invitation. I’d say we are magnets for anxiety, but that would suggest that we have no control over whether or not anxiety sticks.

While we do not have control over whether or not anxiety creeps into our psyche, we do have a say on whether or not it sticks around to bring us down. Keeping anxiety from sticking is not easy or second nature, at least not without practice, but it is pretty straight forward.

Think of anxiety as if it were a fly. You are sitting under a tree, enjoying the day, and a damn fly starts buzzing around your head. It’s not touching or biting you, but it is there. You hear it, you feel it, you start to react. All your focus turns onto the fly and getting rid of it. But by obsessing on it, you are now trapped in a drama with the fly. The fly is now not only a physical presence but, by not letting it be, it has become a psychic invader, one that you can’t get rid of, one that has destroyed a peaceful day, and is freaking you out. That is how many if not most of us react to the fly. There is another way.

The fly is definitely an annoyance, and, when it carries disease, it is a danger. Given the choice of fly or no fly, almost everyone choses no fly. But the fly is real and the fly is here, so what are we going to do about it? We can obsess on it, or we can treat it like it is an unwelcome part of life that will eventually fly off. Instead of hunting it, we let it be. By doing so, we refuse the fly’s invitation to bug us and to become the focus of the day. We also remove ourselves from the fly’s focus, so the fly buzzes around for a while, finds nothing to riff off of, and goes away.

To be clear, the fly is not Donald Trump, but the anxiety we feel over Donald Trump’s election and what might come to pass. It is anxiety that is not healthy or helpful for it is a trap that has no upside. Fear, on the other hand, is something we can use. It is a warning sign that we can act on. It is a healthy survival mechanism, and, if we harness it, a powerful tool for change (as I wrote about last time around).

Now, as a White man, my fear of what might come is not as heavy or acute as those who are not as privileged. I can sit this out and probably be fine. Hell, I could switch sides and thrive. I have the luxury to write abstractly about anxiety and fear. True. And what I wrote above is also true.

I am a firm believer that how we react to challenges and disasters shapes us and our lives a lot more than the challenges and disasters do (see Rebecca Solnit). Or, in woo-woo, “When life hands you a lemon…” Right now, we have been given a lemon - a huge, orange, sloppy, stupid lemon that smells like shit, fried chicken, and death. And, while I wouldn’t make lemonade out of this yellow turd of an election, this lemon can serve as a good projectile to hurl at the fucked-up. I am not sure exactly what that last sentence means, but you get the point.    

Feel fear, feel anxiety, feel whatever you need to feel – but don’t let it trap you and define what you do (or don’t do). Step back and try to understand what you are feeling and why, a why that goes deeper than Trump. Identify the fear and the anxiety (and anger, disgust, disappointment, depression, etc.), and deal with them appropriately. That is not a “right now” thing, nor is it a “Buck up, little soldier” or “Get over it!” No, it’s more like “Give yourself some emotional slack” and “Take care of yourself.” You need that for yourself, and we need that for us.